How to Go to Target and Only Get What You *Truly* Need!

If you are a human with a soul, then you know how enticing Tarjay is. I never understood Target’s true magic until I became an adult™. Rather than getting excited to buy lottery tickets or a handle of vodka, I found myself excited at the thought of purchasing a coffee table from their shitty, cheap furniture line. The coffee table broke within a week and the corner of it acted as a death trap for my shin, but I forgave Target in like, a day or two, despite the nasty scar I will forever have on my shin.

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Walk into the Club like Haaaiiii TarrrjaayyY!

Since we are all aware of Target’s seductive prices, I decided that today’s blog would be all about how to shop at Target but only get what you *truly* need. Yes, it is possible to visit your local fav Target and say hell no to buying that hideous yet beautiful ceramic alligator skull because #selfcontrol!!!

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For real what the fuck is this it’s beautiful

All of Target is glorious, but this is my favorite section (below). This section has all the shit you definitely don’t need, but everything is $1, $3, or $5, so….you ultimately do need it. Target is real manipulative and smart, so they usually place this beautiful section right by the entrance. BE AWARE!! STAY SMART, FELLOW TARJAY SHOPPER!

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You will see cute as hell Easter stuff. Say no. Walk away!! Do you need this bunny so you can put all the other Target shit you bought last week in it? No!!!!

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But say yes to the glitter. The glitter is necessary, and you need it. No questions.

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Next dangerous section: clothing.

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Lately, it’s been easy to navigate away from the clothing department, especially since Target just started displaying their spring/summer line and it’s still ten degrees in Boston with an impending blizzard rolling through!! Say no, Google pictures of frostbite, and walk away!!

I often lose Jake in Target, since he is also a Tarjay addict. But I can usually find him in his two favorite aisles: mouthwash or soup.

Jake told me he absolutely needed this mouthwash, but I said no way on the soup because boy has been hoarding some chicken noodle for weeks now (our pantry looks like some PD for an apocalypse movie, for real).

If you look closely, you can also see some soap in the basket below. I was responsible enough to say no to all the $4.99 butterscotch-coconut-grandma’s lemon bars-new car scented soaps, so I settled on this one that was $2.99 and better not smell like absolute shit.

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These last few weeks have been rough with all the adult bullshit, which means I’m having at least three quarter-life crises a day. Target was lucky enough to be the witness of one of those, and I just so happened to be in the hair aisle when it hit me that I really, really, really need to bleach my hair and dye it purple. That is a whole other blog post coming up.

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Side note: I don’t ever wear active wear but you can check me out getting swol in the active wear section of Target, usually on Monday or Thursday evenings.

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Another dangerous department: pet care. As a proud cat mother, I struggle with walking away from the pet care area, especially the bowties. Kurt takes his appearance very seriously and has an admirable collection of bowties, so not contributing to that collection is difficult. But I did stumble upon something that I *truly* needed – a floral litter mat!! Part of my daily quarter-life crises is wanting to reorganize our room and really dedicate myself to pursuing my newfound passion for interior design.

Food. Target has a way of making me want to spend my entire paycheck on groceries. When I’m walking through those food aisles, I feel like I’m on Top Chef or something, which isn’t good for my food ego because I can’t cook for shit. BUT Target was offering some ~*rad*~ deals – look at this Cheez-It deal!! Everyone needs calcium for strong bones, and fortunately these boxes offer that!!! Fuck yeah, health!

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Speaking of health, here is another great way of stocking up on your calcium and your life happiness:

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Just remember to say no to the cat swim trunks that your boyfriend will definitely never wear. Say no to the precious collection of fake succulents that will somehow make you look (or only feel) hip and cool and minimalistic. Also say no to the abstract Pac-Man pillow on clearance.

But always say yes to gaudy, obnoxious items that make no sense because yes, you *need* a golden glass rooster to really confirm your maturity and #selfcontrol.

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Also, not related to Target BUT if you stumble upon articles online about building a bunk bed for your cats, do it. Your cats need bunk beds. Check out my sweet Ikea build in the photos below *shows off muscle* *contemplates using actions after asterisks* *doesn’t care* *knows it will make her nervous for days after posting because she’s a blogging millennial sensitive to others’ thoughts* *sigh*

Until next time~

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